The Flake
There is no better feeling than having plans fall through, especially when someone else pulls the plug. The thrill of freedom, nothingness, and of course getting to take your pants off and knowing you don’t have to put them back on until the next day...It truly is heaven.
So why do we panic when we have to cancel?! And why do we wait until the last minute to flake even though we knew we didn’t want to go to lunch with Nancy two weeks ago? Why do we make it such a big deal? Why deny ourselves the pleasure?! We know the person on the other end of the cancellation will be equally excited to hear the news! They’ll be jumping for joy knowing that they also get to take their pants off and celebrate the nothingness that awaits them.
But we rarely allow ourselves to give into this basic human desire. Instead we lie, we over extend and then find ourselves in situations we don’t want to be in, just because we don’t want to disappoint anyone. I would even bet that after reading that run on sentence you instantly thought of a person, place or thing you wished you had cancelled on. A recent luncheon, work event, friend date, real date, holiday party, book club, house party, parent teacher night, a friend’s one person show, improv show (Don’t lie Danielle, Audrey, Meredyth, & Anita), and of course any other event that requires wearing real pants...
I have always been a bailer, flaker, and last minute canceller, but I am not proud of it. Instead of being honest about not wanting to leave my house, I have spent years lying, running late, sitting on a pile of clothes crying about how I have nothing to wear trying to justify my flake. And it’s been brutal. I don’t like how it feels. This behaviour has caused so much stress and anxiety and expensive Ubers because I eventually end up going to the event and spend the entire night apologizing for being late. AND FOR WHAT? I don’t mean the apology! In fact I demand the host of said event to apologize to my bed because I didn’t want to leave her in the first place.
In the last few years, thanks to therapy, I have been forcing myself to be honest and saying no and being honest as to why. I am certainly not perfect at it, but when I force myself to be upfront and honest the results have been great! Turns out nobody cares and they often appreciate the honesty. Sounds great doesn’t it? But you don’t know where to start? Here’s some great template responses that have kept me home “in robe” and guilt free:
Sorry I can’t make it I am tired
I made my plans with myself that night…
I’m run down.
I’ve over extended myself and I just need a night in
My week got ahead of me, I just need a night to decompress
Work was tough today and I just need my couch and the Real Housewives of New York
Or my personal favourite: “Sorry but tonight’s Millennial night rave is just not my thing”.
All are effective, professional, courteous, and above all else...HONEST! I guarantee no one will be mad, upset, furious, unforgiving, or disappointed. Unless they are an asshole…but that’s on them.
We are human beings which means we have limits, so let’s exercise those boundaries and FLAKE! BAIL! CANCEL! We are in the middle of the Holiday Party Tornado and guess what? WE CAN’T DO IT ALL! So don’t. Now of course sometimes adulting requires us to leave the house and “do the right thing” but this newsletter is for the “BS Events” we just don’t need. Like heading out in -20 snowstorm slush nightmare bullshit just so you can sip egg-nog at your Sisters best friend Karen’s house while you make the rounds fake laughing and repeating “we should do this more” even though you have a perfectly crafted bed pocket made out of blankets and pillows waiting for you at home. How can you be be mad at a run on sentence when it’s that good! (Don’t say ANYTHING Audrey). So I say screw it and cancel that shit! Life is too short to eat devilled eggs with Karen. Cancel on her. She won’t be mad, she’ll thank you because you’ve given her the best gift. She gets to take her pants off and not put them back on until tomorrow.
xo
This week I wanted to share your new favourite TV show created by two powerhouse women that you NEED to know about. Your INTERNET FRIEND OF THE WEEK is the new true crime series “New Eden”.
My lovely pals Kayla Lorette and Evany Rosen are the creators and show-runners of “New Eden” (which premieres NEW YEARS DAY! ) and TRUSSSS you do not want to miss out. These two visionaries have created a show about a fictional female cult and the show has an all female cast, and director (The Incredible ALEYSA YOUNG). We truly are not worthy. Kayla and Evany are incredible performers, comedians, actors, writers, and their hair and fashion are without question truly iconic…
So ENJOY THE TRAILER and follow everyone involved. They are the best!
ABOUT NEW EDEN:
“Spanning the 70s, 80s, and 90s, NEW EDEN is a hilariously complex, true crime parody that begins in 1977 near Halworth B.C. when Katherine Wryfield (Lorette) and Grace Lee (Rosen) attempt to start a large-scale feminist utopia, “New Eden.” While intentions for this would-be utopia are noble, in the inexperienced hands of Lee and Wryfield, the community quickly devolves into drug addled, alien-goddess worshipping chaos…and murder. Definitely some murder.” - Bell Media
Next week I have a lil beauty vid and pop culture round up planned. I also wanted to start integrating a Q&A segment so if you have any topics, questions, advice needed etc LET ME KNOW! You can reach me by responding to this email or messaging me on Instagram.
I also realize this newsletter is usually on Mondays but I thought I would try out Friday. Thoughts? Do you have a day of the week you would prefer? Let a gal know. Happy Friday and see you next week!
- Stacey